Baseball Annie Strikes Back

Everybody's been buzzing this week -- pardon the expression -- about Jodi Turner, the vengeful Baseball Annie who sent a snapshot of Mets pitcher Grant Roberts firin' up the ol' bong to Newsday. Who better to help us sort out our feelings than Bull Durham's Annie Savoy? I located her in a small southern town, where she retired many years ago to become a single soccer mom.

You look fantastic.

Thank you. And yes, they are real.

I assume you've heard about Jodi Turner and the incriminating photo of Grant Roberts. What are your thoughts on this?

Lots of people think Baseball Annies are groupies who aren't hot or twisted enough to get rock stars. But this Jodi Turner, she gives all the other Baseball Annies and groupies a bad name. She just tore the heart out of what we do. We are givers, not takers. Our jobs, as it were, is to be a coach in the bleachers and a player in the bedroom -- period. We're in this for the emotional and the physical satisfaction, not for financial gains.

Have you ever gathered incriminating evidence on anyone?

Well, honey, I suppose you could refer to it as incriminating evidence, but to me, they're just fond memories.

Like what? What have you kept?

Oh, little do-dads here and there. A jock strap, a scorecard, maybe a couple of corked bats.

So you have a daughter. Who's her daddy?

Her daddy is a wonderful man who shall remain nameless except to say that his fastball was once clocked at 103 mph.

Would you dissuade her from following in your footsteps?

Absolutely not. I've had a wonderful life and I want the same for her. Except for the cold sores.

What did you get for your services?

I didn't charge for my services, darlin'. Of course, I did get more foot massages than I can remember. [Annie laughs heartily.] You know, I got tickets to all the games, I got more Valentines than a girl ought to, but mostly, I got respect. And affection. Lots of affection. Oh! And butter dishes! I can't tell you how many times I had to replace the butter dish 'cause it was always being knocked off the kitchen table. [She laughs again.]

Are you still in the biz?

Oh no, honey. I'm too old now. Not that I don't have it in me anymore -- no pun intended, but I got a kid and an SUV and a mortgage. I don't have that kind of time anymore. Besides, I like to think that I paved the way for the new girls, then graciously stepped down to let them do their thing, you know?

Not to be indelicate, but how did you buy a house?

Now if I told you that [Annie coughs here and I can swear it was over the word "D-Backs"] I'd be just as bad as that Long Island girl, wouldn't I?

Anyone around the majors today you wish you had known?

Oh sure. Mike Piazza, not that he needed any coaching. Derek Jeter, Brian Anderson, Orel Hersheiser, Randy Johnson.

Randy Johnson? He's not exactly a pretty boy.

No darlin', but his nickname is a bit intriguing, don't you think?

The lingerie thing -- did it work for everyone?

Pretty much. Yeah. Except for one guy. I couldn't get him to take if off. But -- he's a three-time all-star, so who am I to judge?

Do you have any advice for up and coming Baseball Annies?

Stick to pitchers. Preferably southpaws. There's just nothing like a southpaw. They're like stone crabs. They have a short season, but one taste'll tide you over till next time.

And what's your advice to minor leaguers looking for a female mentor such as your former self?

www.backgroundcheck.com.

And finally, how come you never became a major league wife?

Honey I can answer that in two simple words: Tawny Kitaen.