Bill Walton vs Anne Robinson

When it comes to hyper-critical redheads, a pair of twins tower over the rest: outspoken Bill Walton and chilly Anne Robinson.

Who is the weakest link?

She can dish it out, but can she take it? He withered as a guest on "The Weakest Link," but was that because of a decided home-field advantage as Robinson took the opportunity to dish up the last, desperate swings of a fallen empire?

Robinson and Walton. Let's see how they stack up at the Tale of the Tape.

COATTAILS THEY RODE TO THE TOP:

WALTON: Larry Bird

ROBERTSON: Regis Philbin

ADVANTAGE: Walton

WOODEN:

WALTON: His mentor

ROBERTSON: The only word to describe her stage presence

ADVANTAGE: Walton

THE PRICE THEY PAY:

WALTON: He does Clippers games

ROBERTSON: She uses a British dentist

ADVANTAGE: Push

WHAT THEY SAY:

WALTON: "A horrible game plan that typifies the horrible state of the league!"

ROBERTSON: "Is there a ventriloquist missing its dummy?"

ADVANTAGE: Push

WHAT THEY MEAN:

WALTON: "Who the heck do I have to criticize to get promoted to the A-games with Marv?"

ROBERTSON: "Dear God, don't let the tele-promper break. Left to my own devices, the meanest thing I can think of to say is 'You're stupid.' "

ADVANTAGE: Push

PLAYING HURT:

WALTON: "My back can't take the strain of bending over to interview Iverson."

ROBERTSON: "All this leather chafes my bum!"

ADVANTAGE: Walton

PLAYING CAREER ENDED BY:

WALTON: Bad feet

ROBERTSON: Bad personality

ADVANTAGE: Walton

PREVIOUS INCARNATIONS:

WALTON: A Deadhead

ROBERTSON: A young sadist

ADVANTAGE: Walton

COULD MAKE BIG BUCKS BY TEACHING:

WALTON: Clinics for big men

ROBERTSON: A spanking workshop at the Learning Annex

ADVANTAGE: Robinson -- Can't a man relax?

CHAMPIONSHIPS:

WALTON: College and the pros

ROBERTSON: Won this year's top honors for milking a one-dimensional gimmick the furthest

ADVANTAGE: Walton

OVERDEVELOPED:

WALTON: Pituitary gland

ROBERTSON: Bile duct

ADVANTAGE: Walton

SHELF LIFE:

WALTON: 30 years and counting

ROBERTSON: Start the clock...what. It's over?

ADVANTAGE: Walton

PATERNAL PRIDE:

WALTON: Watched his son play in the Final Four

ROBERTSON: Watched her pet tarantula eat its mate

ADVANTAGE: Walton

So, there you have it. In a public humiliation rivaled only by a good, swift caning, the advantage goes to...Bill Walton.

Well, well, well, Mrs. Robinson -- did you forget to pack your charisma? Hang in there, Annie. If I really wanted to hurt you, I'd mention that if it weren't for the good old USA, you'd have made your fame hosting a show on Deutche TV.

Until next time, I'm Nick Bakay reminding you that the numbers never lie.