From Armstrong to Stunt Thighs

I am so sick of Lance Armstrong.

Like those aren't "stunt thighs" pasted onto Beyonce Knowles in the Goldmember posters.

John Madden sounds like he's been choking on the same sandwich for the last twenty years.

Was Peyton Manning named after Peyton Place?

Maybe Hootie Johnson will finally let women play Augusta if the women agree to wear the traditional green burka.

If my dog would lay off the peanut butter and put down the remote, she'd kick the crap out of the other dogs in the Great Outdoor Games.

Cuban third baseman Omar Linares is now playing in Japan because Castro traded him for running water.

Is it just me or does Tobey Maguire look like a young, mildly drugged k.d.lang?

Okay, Week 1 of NFL training camp is almost over. Everyone still alive?

With preseason games just around the corner, it's goodbye "what would you like for lunch, honey," and hello, "yes, I'd love another International Coffee, Jean Luc, you sexy petite garcon, you."

Did you know Celine Dion is introducing a new perfume that smells just like a younger Barbra Streisand?

Now that ESPN's The Season is featuring "The Making of The Raiderettes," I can finally convince my husband to cancel Spanktervision.

And speaking of my husband, Jim Kelly will be inducted into the Hall of Fame this weekend ... I bought these new spiky heels and no one will even notice.