READY TO LIVE THE DREAM?

SEE YOU IN SIN CITY!!!
Looking forward to meeting and greeting with a huge and hungry horde at this year's World Championship Of Fantasy Football. This will be our first time at the WCOFF, and I fully expect the Vegas Hilton to be packed with the game's elite players, all of whome have ponied up some serious green to roll the dice on their footbal acumen. Not for the timid, this should be classic.

I'll give some opening remarks, which I promise to keep brief, then I'll sit down and draft a stellar lineup for my entry -- "The Testosteroons." See you there!

WORDS OF WISDOM?
In honor of your upcoming drafts, some thoughts from my years in the fantasy football trenches: One of my favorite old jokes, first credited to Joe E. Lewis and handed down to the Rat Pack goes like this: “I feel sorry for people who don’t drink, ‘cuz when they wake up in the morning -- that’s as good as they’re gonna feel all day.”

I believe the same can be said about anyone who doesn’t play fantasy football. I never feel more alive than I do on the morning of my league’s draft. Colors are brighter, even my pants seem to fit better on that special day when I get to put my football acumen to the test. Go ahead, call me a delusional geek, but if you love the game and take pride in your knowledge, nothing beats the vicarious adventure of playing Owner/Gm.

I’ve played in “The John Facenda Memorial League” for ten years. My team, “The Malecki Meat-Processing Voyageurs,” have never missed the playoffs, and we’ve won it all three times including my current back-to-back streak. That’s right, I’m the owner you resent and fear. I call the shots for a dynasty, and I take it as a personal insult whenever the trophy isn’t parked on my desk. As a result, I have some very strong opinions about the intangibles that separate the winners from the weenies…

OWN ONE TEAM:
Hey, you don’t see Scott Pioli working in five different leagues. You shouldn’t, either. If you want to replicate the real experience, you gotta live and die with your guys. Multiple leagues rob owners of the whole point – if you stink, take the pain, and let it drive you to get better.

(Cards on the table update -- I broke this rule this year, seven times! I held true for a decade, so blame it on my shamless obsession and numerous media expert league invites, all too tempting to turn down. I'll check in next year with a full report on the nightmare of trying to manage all these rosters...)

ALWAYS REFER TO YOUR TEAM IN MONOLITHIC TERMS.
Get used to saying things like “My organization,” “Winning Tradition,” and my favorite, “Voyageurs heart!” Periodically issue warnings that “No one on my roster is safe.” It just feels good.

DESIGN AN OVER-THE-TOP TROPHY:
A buddy of mine plays in a league that has my all time favorite trophy. It’s a gaudy monstrosity complete with a small figurine climbing a series of Plexiglas stairs, at the top of which sits one, perfect word: “Acumen.” Make your trophy bodacious enough that your wife insists you remove it from the living room.

BRING FLOWERS TO THE DRAFT…
…For the host’s wife. Not only has she allowed you and your unsavory friends take over her home, but today also marks that special time of year when she knows her husband will be distracted all weekend. If there is no woman of the house, just give the flowers to the owner who picked the worst team.

TAUNT AND ATTACK ON DRAFT DAY
It’s never too early to get inside another owner’s head, and you can never go wrong by following someone’s pick with a simple “Oh, did his knee heal?” Then watch him get all flustered and pick a kicker in the fourth round.

IF THERE’S A RUN ON A POSITION, RUN AWAY!:
If you take the seventh running back chosen in a round, then you will never win at this game. Difference-makers are gold, and I promise there’s another position-player with far greater break out potential available.

RUNNING BACKS MAKE PEOPLE CRAZY:
Be contrarian. Every publication and web site that caters to the fantasy player offers exactly the same advice: you must draft running backs first, and QB “Value” will be there later. Oh yeah? Show me one champion who drafted Matt Hasselbeck in round four. Meanwhile, every year at least five running backs that were riding the bench in week 4 finished the year on fire. Reuben Droughns, Julius Jones, Willis McGaheeLarry Johnson -- someone will explode, which brings me to:

THE WAIVER WIRE IS YOUR FRIEND
Champions aren’t built on draft day. They’re built with a smart week 9 Add/Drop. ‘Nuff said.

DON’T SERPENTINE
They don’t at the NFL draft, so why should you? There is nothing sweeter than a defending champ picking last in every round, and still winning the championship – I know, I’ve done it. Bad owners will make bad moves, no matter how many breaks you cut them.

DON’T UNDERESTIMATE D/ST SCORING:
Everyone focuses on Tight End as a position where the elite few can really separate your weekly scoring totals, but the same is true for the other side of the ball.

DON’T ASSUME ANYTHING ABOUT THE LEAGUE’S SCORING SYSTEM:
Each one is unique, and if you take the time to examine the details, there are hidden points in them thar hills.

Okay. I just gave you the keys to the kingdom, so maybe this is the year you finally start living the dream. Look at it this way -- there is more to Sunday than suffering the decision-making of others and pounding the arm rest on your favorite chair. If you’re like me, you’ve probably spent a third of your life watching football -- so why not do something with it? From my “organization” to yours – keep livin’ that dream.

YOUR LIFE WON'T BE COMPLETE WITHOUT ANOTHER CHEAT SHEET!
Year after year, 40% of the consensus round one fantasy picks under-perform. You gotta roll the dice, and my lists are based on my attempts to anticipate the changing of the guard that inevitably happens, either due to age, the odds of injury, and changes in personnel or coaching philosophy.

With that in mind, I present a somewhat contrarian set of lists -- subject to change at a moments notice!

QBs:
1. Peyton Manning
2. Bret Favre
3 Daunte Culpepper
(once Moss was hurt last year, he averaged 1.9 LESS td's per game!)
4. Donovan McNabb
5. Kerry Collins
6. Trent Green
7. Carson Palmer
8. Aaron Brooks
9. Tom Brady
10. Marc Bulger
11. Jake Delhomme
12. Jake Plummer
13. Joey Harrington
14. Drew Brees
15. Matt Hasselbeck

RBs:
1. Shaun Alexander
2. LaDainian Tomlinson
3. Julius Jones
4. Willis McGahee
5. Kevin Jones
6. Rudi Johnson
7. Corey Dillon
8. Priest Holmes (Unless you get LJ, too)
9. Tiki Barber
10. Jamal Lewis
11. Edgerrin James
12. LaMont Jordan
13. Curtis Martin
14. Deuce McAllister
15. Steven Jackson
16. Clinton Portis
17. Domanick Davis
18. Mike Anderson
19. Willie Parker
20. Carnell Williams
21. Brian Westbrook

WRs:
1. Javon Walker
2. Terrell Owens
3. Randy Moss
4. Joe Horn
5. Torry Holt
6. Chad Johnson
7. Marvin Harrison
8. Nate Burleson
9. Steve Smith
10. Lavernius Coles
11. Michael Clayton
12. Drew Bennett
13. Andre Johnson
14. Reggie Wayne
15. Hines Ward
16. Roy Williams
17. Darrell Jackson
18. Plaxico Burress
19. Ashlie Lelie
20. Donald Driver

TEs:

1. Antonio Gates
2. Tony Gonzalez
3. Jason Witten
4. Randy McMichael
5. Jeremy Shockey
6. Todd Heap
7. Alge Crumpler
8. Jermaine Wiggins
9. Chris Cooley
10. Jeb Putzier
11. Eric Johnson

Ks:
1. Adam Vinatieri
2. Jason Elam
4. David Akers
5. Mike Vanderjagt
6. Ryan Longwell
7. Jason Hanson
8. Neil Rackers
9. Matt Stover
10. Jeff Wilkins
11. Nate Kaeding
12. Sebastian Janikowski
13. Lawrence Tynes
14. Jeff Reed
15. Shayne Graham

D:
1. Buffalo (*Particularly when paired with special teams)
2. Baltimore
3. New England
4. Carolina
5. Pittsburgh
5. Atlanta
6. Philadelphia
7. NY Jets
8. Chicago
9. Arizona
10. Indianapolis