Ted Turner vs George Steinbrenner

Once again, the world series brings us more than two compelling teams. It matches two of the games most flamboyant owners. George Steinbrenner and Ted Turner are old school moguls. Marquee boss-men who wipe their bums with banknotes and aren't afraid to take the wheel of their corporate destinies and make the tires squeal on the turns. Citizen Kane versus Mr. Potter? It's time to check back in with Ted and George and see how they stack up at the Tale Of The Tape:

MADE THEIR MONEY:

GEORGE: The old fashioned way. He inherited it.

TED: The old fashioned way. He inherited it. Then, he built a wrestling empire

ADVANTAGE: Ted -- Dad, can I but the Yankees... Pleeeeeease?

PARLAYED HIS WEALTH INTO:

GEORGE: A baseball team

TED: One half the free world

ADVANTAGE: Ted

GAVE A BILLION DOLLARS TO:

TED: The U.N.

GEORGE: Bernie Williams

ADVANTAGE: George. Bernie put up better numbers this year.

WE HAVE THEM TO THANK FOR:

TED: Goldberg

GEORGE: Lime green Yankee's jerseys

ADVANTAGE: Push. Whatever happened to pinstripes and Bruno Samartino?

WHY NEW YORKERS LOVE BOTH TEAMS' SHORTSTOPS:

GEORGE: His shortstop dated Mariah Carey

TED: His shortstop is a nice Jewish boy

ADVANTAGE: Ted

PERSONAL STYLE:

GEORGE: The white turtleneck

TED: The Ol' Cap'n's hat

ADVANTAGE: Ted, and remember, kids –- it's not Captain, it's Cyap'n!

BIGGEST MISTAKE

GEORGE: Thought Roger Clemmens would be better' than David Wells

TED: Thought CNN/SI would compete with ESPN

ADVANTAGE: George

WHAT THEY DO IN THE STANDS:

TED: Tries to break off a politically correct tomahawk chop

GEORGE: Ducks whenever Knoblach has to throw to first

ADVANTAGE: George

CURFEWS:

TED: Chipper is banned from Hooters

GEORGE: Darryl is banned from...pretty much everywhere.

ADVANTAGE: Push

WANTS A SERIES WIN:

TED: So people of Atlanta can forget the Falcons

GEORGE: So the people of New York can forget Geoffrey Mayer

ADVANTAGE: Push

ABBREVIATIONS:

TED: CNN, TNT, HBO

GEORGE: S.O.B.

ADVANTAGE: Ted

OWNERSHIP STYLE:

TED: Hands off

GEORGE: Hands in so deep, it looks like psychic surgery

ADVANTAGE: Ted

WHEN IN DOUBT:

GEORGE: Fire the manager

TED: BE the manager

ADVANTAGE: Ted

WHAT THEIR LOCAL FANS CALL THE GAME:

GEORGE: Baiszebuwl

TED: Bayusuhballuh

ADVANTAGE: Puzshh

So there you have it. It's all so simple when you break things down scientifically. In a stunning reversal of their previous bout, the advantage goes to George Steinbrenner. But, hang in there, Ted. You got to go home with Barbarella. I'm Nick Bakay, reminding you, that the numbers never lie.