Why/Why Not Name Your Baby ESPN?

The fact is, a young couple recently made headlines for doing just that. They even tweaked all sports leader's call letters to a more phonetic "Espen." Was it right? And does this kid have a prayer?

WHY NAME YOUR BABY ESPN?
It guarantees your child will never work for FOX.

WHY NOT?
Disney know actually owns your child's soul.

WHY?
It guarantees you a week of cheap media coverage.

WHY NOT?
You still can't bump Elian Gonzalez of the front page.

WHY?
It's a great way for dad to get a free ESPN the magazine fleecy.

WHY NOT?
I'm sure the kid will figure it out anyway, but it's going to be hard to develop any respect for parents who found a way to misspell ESPN.

WHY?
It is actually a Danish name meaning God-Bear.

WHY NOT?
In Farsi, ESPEN actually translates to War-monkey.

WHY?
Your son will with the world wide leader in sports.

WHY NOT?
Your second child will suffer endless playground beatings thanks to his name, 'IRS'.

WHY?
Unlike kid's named John, he will be the only ESPEN in his graduating class.

WHY NOT?
A degree from Bristol University isn't worth the paper it's printed on.

WHY?
He'll think every gift from the ESPN store is personally monogrammed.

WHY NOT?
He may start to wonder if he's related to Dick Vitale.

Still, a child named ESPEN has three things going for it:

• He comes right out of the box knowing 4 letters of the alphabet
• It opens the door for his little sister to go through life being called 'The Deuce' (Which is much better than 'Lil X-games)
• and of course, Nick Bakay was already taken.

Just for the record, I do not own a hamster named "Speed Week," but I do have a right hand nicknamed Kiana.